remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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