My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
