She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
