Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
