He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
