peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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