He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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