Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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