i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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