i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
