I will die if light touches me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
