just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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