So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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