Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?