I just saw a hot homeless man
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night