the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.