Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
