hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
