I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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