Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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