if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
