hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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