Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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