There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
