Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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