sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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