this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
