Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
