My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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