I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
