sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
