I'm jealous of your bromance
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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