Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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