I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
