she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
