Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
