there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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