Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
