Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
