my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
