do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
