Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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