In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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