can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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