just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
