And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
