Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
