I skipped work to stalk him.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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