I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
