you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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