you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
