Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
