who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it's like iHOP with fire
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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