Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
babies were throwing up all over the place
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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