you guys were way drunker than both of me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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