Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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