This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
