I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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