This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
