So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
