S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
