come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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