don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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