If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
