The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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