Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
