I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
