i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
