Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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