would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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