I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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