Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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