True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
