I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
