no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
