Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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