so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
