I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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